The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Randomize
