Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
