They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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