**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
