problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
