Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
