Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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