dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
