Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
