Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
