There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
