I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
