Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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