I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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