if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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