I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Randomize
