dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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