You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have aggressive nipples.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
