I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
