Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
