Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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