the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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