he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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