my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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