He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
