What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
