I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Who died my cat blue again?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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