the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
