the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
