Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
