$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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