its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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