his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
