I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
