I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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