I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
