Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
