Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need water and some morals
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
