We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
