Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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