New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
