i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
