Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
