And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
birth control should be required to get into college
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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