wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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