Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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