and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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