someone get that fucking seahorse.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
