i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
oh god was she eating orange peels again
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
