can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
