just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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